face to face

It’s been about 9 years since I left Christianity and I’m still unpacking how growing up as a Pentecostal/Baptist Christian has affected (and still affects) my sex life. As I mentioned in a previous post, losing my virginity was terrible. Yet, there are more ways in which I believe purity culture poisoned my sexuality. Photo by me. The two metaphors I discussed in my last post are centrally focused on permanent loss of and damage to one’s self. This is the idea I had of sexuality going into adulthood: the act of physical intimacy was an act during which I would permanently give something away. I had better save that something for my husband, otherwise I would be damaged goods on my wedding day – un-sticky and full of rocks instead of water. Enter, sexual shame. When I lost my virginity, the mood was of overwhelming shame. Shame as a consequence of sin is a prominent theme in the bible. From the story of Adam and Eve: 6 The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree ...

A couple of weeks ago, I was enjoying ‘apericena’ with some friends. Among them was a friend from high school, who was visiting Florence. For one reason or another (probably because I was thinking about writing this post), we got talking about the sex education we received at school. As I’ve mentioned, my high school was very religious. Our ‘sex education’ was often focussed on promoting abstinence until marriage. We began sharing purity metaphors we were taught. Strap yourself in. Photo by me. Metaphor One: You have a piece of fresh (virgin) sticky tape. When you have sex, it’s like sticking the tape to someone else’s skin. If you were to keep the tape stuck there, it would continue to be well-adhered; if you commit to one person and only have sex with them for the rest of your life, your ‘tape’ will remain intact for both of you to enjoy.   However, if you decide to have sex with someone else, you reuse your tape. After being removed, the tape now carries piece...