Purity Culture (Part 1)

A couple of weeks ago, I was enjoying ‘apericena’ with some friends. Among them was a friend from high school, who was visiting Florence. For one reason or another (probably because I was thinking about writing this post), we got talking about the sex education we received at school. As I’ve mentioned, my high school was very religious. Our ‘sex education’ was often focussed on promoting abstinence until marriage. We began sharing purity metaphors we were taught. Strap yourself in.

Photo by me.

Metaphor One:

You have a piece of fresh (virgin) sticky tape. When you have sex, it’s like sticking the tape to someone else’s skin. If you were to keep the tape stuck there, it would continue to be well-adhered; if you commit to one person and only have sex with them for the rest of your life, your ‘tape’ will remain intact for both of you to enjoy.  

However, if you decide to have sex with someone else, you reuse your tape. After being removed, the tape now carries pieces of the person it was stuck to – some skin particles and perhaps also some hair. Now, when you have sex with the next person and re-adhere the tape to their skin, it doesn’t stick as well. Not only is the stickiness compromised, but you are bringing the gross skin/hair grime from your previous partner into the new relationship. Eww.

This metaphor continues to hold up beautifully when you move on to further partners. With each partner, you gain more skin grime and lose stickiness. Eventually, your piece of tape can become completely un-sticky, leading to a life of grim emptiness and sexual depravity.

Metaphor Two:

You are a bucket. When you’re born, you are full to the brim of pure water. This water is a metaphor for your purity (read ‘self-worth’). Sinful acts – especially those of a sexual nature – are rocks. Some are smaller rocks than others, but each of them displaces water when placed into your bucket. Each time you indulge in a sinful, sexual act, you are placing a new rock into the bucket. Your water (purity/self-worth) spills over the edge and onto the ground, where it is lost forever.

A bucket with many rocks inside has very little water left; a life filled with sexual activities outside of marriage results in a life full of regrets and devoid of worth.

Our reason for sharing these metaphors was to have a laugh and, indeed, our friends responded with an appropriate ‘that’s bananas, haha’. But, on a serious note, this imagery was seriously damaging to my self-worth and my experience of sex.